The Attendant
by VonGikkingen
Summary: Good help is hard to find – especially if you're someone whose last employee would grab a handful of an infinity stone rather than keep putting up with you…


"Look, I do want the job but I'm _not_ wearing the fetish outfit," I said. That was something I was not willing to budge on.

There was the slightest change in the Collector's expression. He did _not_ look pleased. I wasn't entirely sure I cared anymore. This was already by far the weirdest job interview I ever had, due to the half-demolished surroundings alone. And then there was Tivan himself, which was a whole other thing. There was something really off about the man and it wasn't just that he was sporting a fetish outfit of his own. I didn't like the look in his eyes, somehow both greedy and dismissive.

But... well, I did need the money. "I'll walk your dog for you," I suggested.

"It's not my dog, it's a part of my collection. Would _you_ like to be one?" he said in a tone that was somewhat threatening, despite how incapable of delivering on it the man himself looked.

I have been warned not to piss him off, but now that I was actually standing before him I was starting to doubt all those well-meaning strangers that begged me not to enter his domain if I valued my life. Something about what happened to his last attendant. I wasn't paying that much attention at the time, too busy being severely hungover. And now that I was face to face with him, he really didn't look that dangerous. Except…

Well there _were_ all those captive creatures.

"Do I want to be stuck in a tiny glass box, possibly indefinitely? Does anyone ever say yes to that…?"

"They usually don't get a say," he replied, sounding so unconcerned he started to seem borderline evil.

"I thought you collected _exotic_ things. I've been called many things. Exotic never made the list," I said, looking back at the dog wearing the ridiculous spacesuit. Those puppy eyes were really getting to me. "You know what, I think I might walk it even if you don't pay me. He looks so sad... Does he have to wear that thing...? It doesn't look very comfortable."

"I think we're done here," said Tivan in a far colder tone. I snapped my attention back to him, not entirely sure what did I just do. I screwed up somehow, though, I could tell. "You're not what I'm looking for," was all he said in a way of explanation

"Because I'm not the kind of anorexic that can fit into that dress…? Or because I'm not a fan of animal abuse…?" I added, studying his expression for some kind of indication. He gave me nothing. "Just out of curiosity – what _are_ you looking for?"

"Not you."

"You do know that's not an answer, right?"

"You do know I don't owe you one… right?" he said, regarding me strangely. It took me a moment to realize that it was a kind of mild surprise that I was still here.

"Fine," I said, ready to leave, but not willing to do so without a parting shot. "But do you really expect to find a replacement for the girl who took a suicide by Infinity Stone over working for you a second longer…?"

He was clearly going to snap some kind of reply - and then he just _wasn't_. Instead he opted for staring at me in disbelief.

It would seem that even though everyone knew what was behind the explosion that wrecked the neighborhood, it was a taboo to mention it to the one person responsible. A taboo I just broke.

Strange, because the way I heard it he was the one that told everyone what that insane blaze of purple light meant, not long after it happened, wandering the streets of Knowhere wasted and feeling sorry for himself. He didn't seem to remember that part too clearly. That would explain why he now wore the look of someone who just got assaulted by a sudden recollection. Oh, I definitely had his attention now...

Might as well go all the way then.

"You need to do something about your expectations if you want to get a replacement. I mean, I heard you had her call you _master_ , which... _creepy_ ," I said, before adding a quick "And seriously, throw out that dress."

"You're not from around here, are you?" he said, seemingly changing the subject. I knew that wasn't the case. He was just working up his way to some kind of a veiled threat.

I shrugged. "What – no one from around here would be honest with you?"

"They would know it was not good for their well-being."

"Yeah, that explains it. You seem like you're overdue for some harsh truths, _master_ ," I said with an unamused smile. "You do know this place is off the charts creepy, right? Probably was before most of it disintegrated… Is it even legal for you to keep all these creatures caged like this?"

"It is."

" _How_?"

"I'm the law around here."

I openly rolled my eyes at that. Something I was dying to do ever since I saw the _uniform._

"I changed my mind," he said after staring at me in an increasingly disquieting way a second too long. My creep senses were staring to tingle all over again in a way that made me take an involuntary step back to get some distance between us.

"Changed your mind about what?"

"You're still _not_ what I'm looking for. But you're right. What I'm looking for I'm not going to find this soon after..." he said trailing off. I thought that was that, but no. He had one more thing to say to me. "I suppose you'll just have to do for now."

"Excuse me…?"

"You're hired."

"And that's flattering, because I absolutely need a job. But after spending less than five minutes around you I'm already looking around for an Infinity Stone," I said, taking another slow step backwards. "No offense but you're…"

"Yes?" he said, taking a step forward to let me know he knew what I was up to.

"It's not you, it's me…" I said. That actually made him smile. Didn't make me feel any less tense, though. I really should start listening to people who try to prevent me from going to creepy places to talk to decisively creepy men.

I was going to politely refuse the offer when a sound startled me. A pitiful little whine coming from the dog wearing the ridiculous spacesuit. And just like that my decision was made for me…

"But I'm _not_ wearing the dress."

"You don't have the right body type anyway," he shrugged resignedly.

"Thanks," I said with my best _go screw yourself_ glare. "It's not like you'd fit into it either."

"And you're not going anywhere near the Infinity Stones," he added as an afterthought.

"I thought the Guardians took it off you," I frowned. "Just how many of those things do you have lying around the place…?" I asked before I realized just how little I wanted to know the answer to that. Good thing he chose to completely ignore the question.

"Let's talk about your responsibilities…" he said instead.

"And accommodations. That's another thing we need to talk about. Because I might be… technically… a little homeless."

"A little homeless," he repeated tonelessly.

"You probably can't even raise your voice in this place if you don't want it collapsing completely, so you're really in no position to get judgy. _Master_ ," I added sarcastically, just to remind him I knew how much I could get away with.

"We'll talk about your responsibilities… and accommodations," he added with a sigh that told me he wasn't even going to argue with me on this. " _And_ attitude."

"Oh, I'm definitely keeping that," I said, just stopping short of smirking. "It got me this job, after all."

He said nothing to that. That was all the confirmation I needed right there.

We were off to a great start...


End file.
